I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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