It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
