I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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