i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
