ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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