You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
