Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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