I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
