my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
