boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
