You're so nebulous sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
