walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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