I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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