I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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