I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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