This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
