It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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