tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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