so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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