Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
