You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
