I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
youre lurking in front of me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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