so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
