Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
