I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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