I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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