i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
