She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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