at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
