I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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