Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
