Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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