I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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