i just google imaged poop.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
