Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
