my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
