How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
