i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
whose parrot is this?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
