I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
jump out the window naked night went bad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
