My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
