Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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