i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
