Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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