dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
