All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
