I'm passing your future prison.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
