I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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