wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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