? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
