Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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