3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
