Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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