I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
