We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
