at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
