At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
