You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Be still, my beating vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
