you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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