you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
