i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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