Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
