so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
