Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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