My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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