hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
