Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
