yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
