so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
