There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
