did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
