I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
