I cockslap morals
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
