its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
