# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
