I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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