he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need moral support for this bender
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
