there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Houston, we have a blender
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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